Sex and Revolution I: Intimate Embodied Dance

Sancta Colloquia Episode 306 ft. Nicole Perry

In this episode, I had a very interesting and engaging conversation with Nicole Perry (@danceNdrama1) about intimacy, vulnerability, body, and relationship. It feels like we touched on all the aspects of what it means to be intimate with another person. Intimacy is such an interesting thing and something that humans being crave. Intimacy and the desire for intimacy is very natural. Yet, it seems that in one form or another external institutions (the Church, culture, media, etc.) love to dictate to us what this intimacy should look like. The problem becomes that in the pendulum swing from the Church to media sexual penetration is the primary focus. But what Nicole demonstrates throughout this dialogue is that intimacy is what *we* make of it. Nicole, an intimacy director/choreographer, deals with intimacy on the stage in dance and performance. There are ways, according to Nicole, to perform intimately that isn’t just playing to the normal trappings of “sex-sells.” In other words, you can express intimate moments on the stage in ways that do not employ actual kissing and actual acts of sex. Part of the power of a well-performed intimate scene on the stage is built around the idea of alterity: “…your body is your body, [your] boundaries are your boundaries…” This ability to say no and to be present in the no means that you can then be present in the yes, as Nicole says, “Yes only means yes if you can say no.” Now, this isn’t just about acting, and Nicole makes that really clear. One of the highlights of this discussion is that obtaining substance of self on the stage with and among others translates into real life presence. This means we can now talk about consent if there is an ability to say no and be present, we can now talk about intimacy in boundaries (this relationship exists here and has *this* intimacy) without having to devolve into penetration as the only means by which to express this intimacy. In fact, we could argue that the church and media destroy the concept of intimacy and thus sex by making sex the ultimate and glorified cow of intimacy. In this way, the person is never allowed to cultivate confidence in her intimate-talk and intimate-actions and thus falls into the trap that a sort of desire, like, love, and attachment must become sexual. It was such a pleasure to speak with Nicole and hear how much her life on the stage causes her to be a substantial person in real life. I hope you enjoy the conversation as much as I did.